I prefer boxers, not that you asked. Ever since I had any familiarity with men’s underwear, I have been on Team Boxers. Over time I came to accept the inevitability of tightie-whiteys, but they were considered an unpleasant reality at one point. It has been explained to me that good ole boxers have a tendency to bunch under pants (cry me a river boys and then spend an evening in Spanx) which led to the invention of the boxer brief, a nice compromise. I still would rather a nice oxford cotton boxer, preferably in white, but a boxer-brief is cool too. Not to mention, you can’t exactly wander around your boyfriend’s apartment in front of his roommates in his briefs and t-shirt the morning after and still maintain any dignity.

The one thing that has remained constant in the mater of men’s drawers is that colored briefs of any sort are a deal breaker. Should one arrive at the pant removing portion of an evening to discover tighties of a different color it is acceptable to throw a flag on the play. Colored or, perish the thought, patterned undies are grounds for disqualification. I know for a fact that this has been the subject of many morning-after, snicker girl talks. Patterned boxers are acceptable but if you are going to wear brief or really even boxer briefs, I am going to have to insist upon white.

So imagine my horror when I came across this while shopping for Bob’s undershirts:

Undershirts on a shopping

and these:

Boxer shorts on hangers
More boxer shorts on hangers

and then these:

A pair of underpants in a store
More underpants in a store

After way more consideration than anyone should really give underpants, I still just don’t know what to say.