I May Need to Get a Life

So my People Magazine arrived last week. You know, the one with the “new improved” celebrity wannabe Heidi Montag on it. I promptly wrote a long scathing post expressing my dismay at her insecurities, her surgeries and how sad and pathetic it all was. I am not going to publish it because in rereading said post it came to my attention that my investment in a celebrity wanna be might be a tad over the top. I have since realized that maybe, just maybe I watch too much reality television and there is a possibility that I am in desperate need of a life. That said, I am not backing off of my opinion that ten surgeries for a reasonably attractive (and already surgically altered) 23 year old is obscene. I also firmly believe that Janice Dickenson somehow brainwashed Heidi during their tenure on “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here”. (Tell me you don’t see a resemblence. Go ahead, tell me.)

Now on to more pressing nonsense: The Bachelor. Last week’s episode shocked and entertained everyone with the expulsion of the wide eyed (and clearly innocent “What producer?”) Rozlyn who, had she remained on the show, would have definitely been crowned “Most Hated Girl in the House”. Being one who enjoys her reality television with maximum drama, I could have used a more explicit definition of  which line was crossed and with whom, but never mind. As it turned out the highlight for me was watching this season’s resident bunny boiler, Michelle, gloat in the satisfaction that at least one of her unworthy adversaries had been outed.

Monday night’s show actually gave me reason to admire our hero Jake and start disliking almost all the girls. I was really impressed and delighted that he shut down the two women who were trying to test or tease him. Crazy-deperate Michelle attempted to get Jake to beg her to stay and he flatly refused, showing her the door (of a cab). As much as I admire his impatience with her game play, I am afraid that he also reduced crazy quotient for the remainder of the season. The other young lady whose bubble burst unexpectedly was Elizabeth. After reading Jake a note saying that she would refrain from any lip locking activity until or unless she was the last girl standing, she repeated told him how much she wanted to kiss him, what a good kisser she was and so on and so on. The absurd moment came when Jake called her on this behavior and she tried to say that he was pressuring her to kiss him. Really? Are you that dim, Elizabeth? Next she’ll be telling People Magazine that he let her go because he knew she wouldn’t put out in the Fantasy Suite episode. Puh-leeeze. Both of these bimbos had their bluffs called and I totally enjoyed it.

Which brings me to the element of The Bachelor that I am not enjoying at all this season: the “group hate”. There is bound to be conflict between women in a house who are all compteting for the attentions of the same guy, I get that. Further, I haven’t really formed any opinion of Vienna (the object of the group hate) other than to question her parent’s choice of names (it is a sausage, people). She doesn’t seem mean spirited to me, just clueless. And while I am convinced she had no idea what she was apologizing for, she tried and the mean girls rejected her apology. It all feels very high school and makes me squirm. It’s too bad because the meanest of the mean girls, Ali, was my favorite until this week.

Now that I have gotten all that off my chest, I am definitely going to look into getting one of those “life” things I hear so much about. They have those at Costco, don’t they?