DIANA REPUBLIC

I learn something new about my husband from time to time, even after almost 12 years. Not often mind you – I graduated years ago in my immersion course on everything Bob. But this I did not know. Bob is one of those guys who can’t break up with someone.

Recently Bob entered into a fledgling bro-mance with a guy from the health club. We’ll call him “health club guy”. They struck up a conversation in the locker room (please.. in towels) and made plans to play racquetball. Bob had been wanting to start playing racquetball as part of his midlife-crisis-health-fitness plan in addition to swimming and running. And as luck would have it, health club guy was looking for someone to play with.

One perfunctory trip to Dick’s Sporting Goods for the necessary equipment: glove, goggles and a new racquet (he had two perfectly viable racquets, but claimed they were unacceptable due to their advanced age – new technology in racquets and all) and Bob was off to his play date. Maybe it was the new racquet, but Bob and health club guy were a bit mismatched. Apparently the midlife-crisis-health-fitness program had been such a success that Bob kind of whooped his new buddy’s butt.

Undiscouraged health club guy invited Bob to play again. Bob agreed. To me Bob waffled: he had a busy week; it wasn’t much of a workout; health club guy wasn’t that good; the chosen day wouldn’t work, blah, blah, blah. He phoned health club guy to bow out and I listened as he almost broke their date. When he got off the phone they still had tentative plans to play again.

“What the hell was that?” I asked “Why didn’t you just cancel?”

“I told him I wasn’t sure if I could make it.” Bob defended

“But you don’t want to play.”

“I know, but he sounded sad” Bob said finally.

First of all – really? A grown man (who Bob barely knows) sounded sad that he might not get his ass kicked at racquetball again?

If I am to accept that, them why would Bob lead the poor guy on? Bob knows this bro-mance isn’t going anywhere and yet he won’t cut him loose? He doesn’t want to be the bad guy. If Bob were honest with him, health club guy would more than likely recover and get back to trolling the locker room for a new less fit racquetball partner. That would be the right thing to do.

I can only hope after all this time that any women Bob almost broke up with when he met me aren’t still waiting for him to call.