Marriage can be hard. It can also be fun and silly and joyful and rewarding. But sometimes marriage is an uphill climb, over broken glass, in the snow, without shoes. The idea that two people who grew up with different parents and different families under different circumstances and who have different expectations and dreams can come together and create a harmonious life together is a bit of a leap. Most people take that leap under the adrenaline of love without fully contemplating the obstacles that lie ahead. I was older and, while definitely operating under the steam of love, under no such an illusion. Still the negotiations wear me down sometimes.
I am always surprised to hear young women speak about marriage as if it is a conclusion. It may be the end of a search for a mate, but it is just the beginning of the real journey. That awesome wedding is a distant memory of a great party five years in when you are having the same argument for the twenty-seventh time. Compromise becomes crucial and meaningful conversation requires honesty and vulnerability.
Don’t get me wrong: most of the time my marriage makes me feel loved, safe, happy and cared for. We are usually on the same team working toward the same goals. I am blessed to be married to my best friend in the whole world. The downside of that scenario is that when your best friend in the whole world hurts you, it’s hard to know where to turn. Ultimately you have to turn back to the source of the hurt, knowing he hurts too, and work it out.
I love my husband and my marriage; I just hate being a grownup sometimes.
2 responses so far ↓
1 Rebekah // Feb 19, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Sometimes I don’t like being a grown-up either…especially these last three weeks. I want someone else to pay my bills and go to work for me and put the laundry away and do the hard stuff. I’m tired. I could not get through it without my husband, but I wonder sometimes if being married to ME is an “uphill climb, over broken glass, in the snow, without shoes. ” He claims it isn’t. I say I’m difficult, he says otherwise. Liar, liar, pants on fire?
2 Amy // Mar 16, 2010 at 7:39 am
This is hard. I know what you mean about having your best friend hurt you and trying to find a way through. Thank God we get to live with our best friend and work it out. Neither Matt nor I ever thought this would be easy, but even so I never imagined it would be this challenging. As Juli said to me, what doesn’t break us makes us stronger. I just refuse to break. And Matt is a great guy, the best!
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