DIANA REPUBLIC

I feel as if I am tempting fate by even writing this, but I am going to throw caution to the wind and just go there:

Christmas is only two days away and I am calm.

I know, right? That doesn’t sound like me. I am frankly a little shocked myself. And lest you think that holiday preparations have gone miraculously well for me or that I was supremely organized, they didn’t and I wasn’t. The outside Christmas lights are inside; in a box in the closet to be specific. Some of the gifts I sent my family were categorically uninspired, lame even. The hoards of shoppers in the mall where I work part time demonstrated their Christmas spirit in the same impatient and greedy ways they do each year. And yet, here I am feeling pretty OK.

The idea of taking care of myself during this land mine-filled season was foreign to me, but I may be getting the hang of it. Being able to give myself “permission” to do or not do (within reason) really dialed down the crazy that usually takes over during the holidays.

I made a point to decline social obligations that made me feel too taxed rather than accept out of obligation. I also made sure that I had at least one day off a week where I was responsible for nothing more than feeding and watering two canines and myself.

I had a moment where the outside light situation threatened to take me down. Instead I calmly decided that I might put them up next year and moved on. When the time came to send gifts to family members, I sent what I had. I am disappointed that I wasn’t more excited about those gifts, but I did the best I could. These people are family after all and they are contractually obligated to love me, weak gifts and all.

I realize that there are still more than 36 hours to go and I am not out of the woods yet. These last hours could be the ones that break me, but I don’t think so. Not this year, at least. Traditionally I spend most of December procrastinating, beating myself up and feeling wholly overwhelmed, so this new calm thing is a gift. It could be the best gift I get this year and, look at that, I gave it to myself.

On that note:

I wish you a calm Christmas and a peaceful New Year!