DIANA REPUBLIC

Every summer there seems to be a project for our yard. And with every project there is a budget and an estimate. The problem I find is that the budgets and the estimates rarely have any relation to each other, which is weird because the budget is always disclosed to those who are doing the estimating.

All of these projects have been landscaping related. Each time we have had someone come out to look at our yard and we have described the work that we would like to have done and the amount we are able to spend. Each time the representative has nodded and scribbled and left with promises of an email and prices to come. And each time I eagerly open up the email only to see a number we can’t possibly afford.

I don’t understand where the breakdown occurs. Do these people assume that I am low balling my budget? I can assure you when it comes to money, I am not a game player. I have never thrown out a number with a wink or a nudge. At most I may have indicated a little flexibility when the estimator has made me aware that my budget will not be sufficient. But more often than not the estimators have taken notes with no indication that I was off by one or five or ten thousand dollars. Have these people ever heard of “setting expectations”? Come on now, you are landscapers. You of all people know that money doesn’t grow on trees. Or was that part of the estimate, a money tree?

None of these projects, by the way, were ever meant to be featured in Botanic Garden Monthly, although some of the proposals were worthy of such a publication. We wanted a patio and received estimates one of which was more than $20,000; apparently it was a patio paved with the actual good intentions. We wanted some trees removed and others trimmed and received an estimate that resembled a full time gardener’s salary. I should have known we were in trouble when the estimator identified himself as an arborist.

I thought this summer’s project would be different. I don’t know why. It was a different garden center and the woman who came out was knowledgeable and pleasant. Bob wanted to spend five hundred dollars, but even I knew that was unrealistic. My new friend nodded and scribbled and didn’t flinch when I told her our budget was a thousand dollars. So imagine my surprise when I opened up her email today to see a total of over $2200.00. The bond that we formed immediately dissolved. “Where did I lose you?” I wanted to scream. She did mention that the estimate was a little more than we had wanted to spend. So in her definition, a little more is defined as double? That could pose serious problems in other areas of her life if it carries over.

So my conclusion is that either the landscaping industry is staffed with the most aggressive up-sellers since the used car industry or that they are all seriously deficient in math skills. In either event, I resisted the urge to send the estimator a copy of our bank statement and a calculator and instead sent back a polite email asking where we could cut back in her plan to stay within our budget. Perhaps I should have included a link to the definition of “budget” as well.