DIANA REPUBLIC

Having completed my second Alaskan expedition, I am now confident that I have seen what I, personally, need to see of that part of the country. It was a beautiful trip marred only slightly by two stomach bugs, a urinary tract infection and a case of the Moose flu. The latter was contracted by my mother in law towards the end of the trip and brought home by me. We like to share. This bug had apparently gained some speed by the time it got to me, because it completely kicked my ass thus the delay in any posting here.

In this iteration of our Alaskan vacation we spent the first few days on land or rather in buses. There was a three hour coach ride to the first resort which boasted amazing views of Mount McKinley through the clouds and cable television. My stomach and I spent the first afternoon of our vacation in bed watching a Jon and Kate Plus 8 marathon. Bob and his mom attended lectures on both wolves and bears given by a very knowledgeable park ranger, Bob’s first man crush of the trip (his second was the ship’s doctor but that could have just been the antibiotics). Day two began with a coach ride to the second resort where we boarded a school bus for a five hour nature ride. The next day there was another coach ride that took us to the nine and half hour train ride to the ship. The train ride itself was beautiful with breathtaking views through the glass top roof. Between the nature ride and the train we saw moose, caribou, bears, dall sheep and a snow hare, but it was just a lot of movement. Did I mention the stomach bug?

As long last we boarded the ship (more movement) for two days of cruising at sea. The ship was on super-high sanitation alert due to a recent outbreak of “don’t touch it” virus. Apparently the previous tenants of our ship had been exposed to a gastrointestinal virus that the cruise line was determined to shield us from. To that end the passengers were accosted with sanitation solution at every turn and were not able to serve themselves at the buffets. The ship’s staff were stationed in front of the offerings and passengers were instructed to let them serve the food. Now, while at a buffet one might (read will) be inclined to serve oneself outrageous portions, one is less inclined to ask another person to do so. My pastry binge was in real danger until the third day when the ban was lifted and I didn’t have to ask someone else for the fourth piece of Danish.

Cruise traditions were honored. There was formal night where we had formal photographs taken. Sadly Bob was sitting on a cattle prod in all of the photos and I had a bad case of “man hands’ in at least one, so none were purchased. We attended a seminar on whales given by the ship’s naturalist which accidentally exposed us to the tail end of the shopping seminar (for those passengers who need some extra assistance in separating themselves from their life’s savings). We watched an ice carving demonstration, complete with color commentary and cheering for said ice carver whose name was, of all things, Cornelio.

The ship cruised into Glacier National Park where we saw massive glaciers calving (breaking off into the ocean). It was at once an astonishing and sad sight: global warming in action was a little disconcerting. We went on a whale watch and saw a mother and baby whale as well as some stellar sea lions (which is the actual name of the animal and not some valley girl adjective I came up with as Bob originally thought). In each port we went on an expedition and left a little of our disposable income behind at the tschoke stores and even got a little dog love. And in each port I was able, on my iphone, to pull up the webcam of the resort/kennel where Mike and Goose spent the week to check in on them.

As the saying goes, there is no place like home and I am glad to be here, hacking Moose flu and all. The lack of consistent fur and puppy kisses really could have been what wore down my immune system in the first place. Ten days is just a long time to be away from home, maybe too long. Oh, and judging by the mortgage sized bill from the resort/kennel with the webcam – yeah – too long.