DIANA REPUBLIC

Saturday was our first day of Puppy Class. Bob and I were excited to begin training Goose and generally speaking the more time we spend with dogs the happier we are. It is a small class with a baby cocker spaniel, two bitty pit bull mixes, a tiny Yorkshire Terrier and our silly Goose.

Goose was neither first nor last in his class. Its not that he isn’t smart because he is (he is a prodigy). He just isn’t a show off like Boomer, all well behaved and attentive. Goose knew his name and he sat, eventually. He is a little behind the class in his leash skills because we have a big yard, a rarity in the city. The other dogs have the advantage of being walked while their owners have the disadvantage of having to walk them.

Puppy class is not all instruction. Socialization is an important part of Goose’s education as well. Before today he had only spent time with his littermates and his brother, Mike. We were relieved to see that he played well with others. In this case “playing well with others” means awkward wrestling and minimal humping: think high school.

Bob and I decided to go see the new Disney movie Earth after we dropped off a very tired Goose at home. A film celebrating the beauty of nature seemed like an appropriate afternoon to compliment our morning, or so I thought. The review I read weakly warned that there were “circle of life” type scenes but assured that the cameras cut away before any blood or gore. I figured that I could manage nature without the kill scenes. I was wrong.

While the cinematography was amazing, particularly the time lapsed stuff, there were more animal versus animal scenes than I bargained for. The majority of the film was really beautiful, but apparently I am more the “Earth, the Herbivores” type. I spent a good bit of the movie with my fingers in my ears and my head in Bob’s shirt. Even without the blood, I just couldn’t take those scenes. The victims in the survival of the fittest game are the young and the infirm. In this film it was almost exclusively the young. Having just spent the morning with five baby dogs, I may have been particularly vulnerable to the protective emotions I was feeling. As a man who can’t look at a live lobster that will end up on his plate, Bob was in no better shape than I.

When Disney releases Earth on DVD, it will not be on my Christmas list. I know that animals kill and eat each other in the wild. I just prefer not to think about it. And if I must think about it, I would prefer to think about a fair fight; two same aged and sized animals duking it out for survival. Essentially I would prefer to live in denial and delusion, an underrated state of mind if you ask me. It is a very comfortable place to live. All the baby animals are safe in my world even the baby walruses who totally look like Wilford Brimley.