DIANA REPUBLIC

Today I have been married for eight years. To the same guy. For eight years. For some that may seem like a very short time and for others an eternity. Our marriage has outlasted both my mother’s marriages, though to be fair only one ended in divorce. I have never lived in the same house for eight years and have only lived in two cities for that long. So it feels like a substantial amount of time to me.

We didn’t have elaborate vows when we married. It just didn’t seem like “us” at the time. Our ceremony was brief and to the point and I loved that about it. Had we read or written vows they would have seemed scripted or been sarcastic and snarky as is our general mode of communication. We knew neither would do justice to our wedding day.

What I didn’t know then that I know now is how much we would be able to count on each other in the hard times. We have counseled each other through jobs and career changes. We have held each other up through the deaths of both of our fathers. We have consoled one another over the losses of three dogs who were our family. We have worked hard to negotiate the tough times in our relationship and have committed to making our marriage a sanctuary instead of a condition.

Bob and I also lived through the longest house search in history and found a real home in our house and each other. We adopted one another’s dogs and rescued two more together. We have been on many vacations where sun was enjoyed, books were read and wonderful meals were eaten. We have spent Sunday mornings in bed with newspapers, coffee and dogs. We share the same idea of down time, the same sense of humor and, some days, the same brain. Our daily life together is usually filled with laughter and fur.

Loss and struggle appear to be part of my DNA, but they are foreign to Bob. His life has been charmed in simple and normal ways. My life has been complicated and bumpy and has left me worse for wear in some respects. Bob has stepped up in so many ways to be there for me, it is nothing short of heroic. He was there for me as I fought my battle with alcohol and continues to support me as I manage depression. He is my biggest fan and best marketing rep in whatever career I am pursing at the moment. He knows my weaknesses and my vulnerabilities and truly wants me to be fulfilled and happy.

What I did know eight years ago was that Bob was my best friend. He still is. I knew then that the good times would be great. I couldn’t have predicted that with Bob as my partner the bad times are more bearable, the difficult times more manageable and the sad times less lonely. I look forward to many more years together, no vows required.