DIANA REPUBLIC

One of the only upsides to the economic tsunami is the fact that mortgage rates are ridiculously low. We decided to take advantage and refinance earlier this year to save ourselves a little money. It all seemed simple enough, but somehow donkeys from Wisconsin got involved and it has been downhill, like a big rolling cheese wheel, ever since.

Our mortgage broker has been a friend for years. We used her in at least two real estate transactions of our own in the past and I frequently referred her to my clients when I sold real estate. So I, of course, went to her to refinance. I didn’t hesitate even when I discovered that she had moved to the Wisconsin office from Chicago (although clearly I should have). The refinance procedure began simply enough with the usual gathering of every pay stub since Bob’s fourth grade paper route. We  had a couple of bumps in the road as rate lowered further and more people refinanced. Response times got slower, but call were eventually returned, some at 9:00 at night, and it was clear that they were just stretched thin.

The problem with doing business with a busy gal in Wisconsin turned out to be a factor I had not even considered. My friend was pregnant and went on maternity leave after giving birth to her second child. I was pleased as punch for her, but would have appreciated a head’s up before the auto reply email arrived. In her absence the refinancing of our home mortgage had been left in the hooves of a bunch of donkeys. Now we all know how good the equine are with numbers. Who hasn’t seen a horse count with their hooves? But as it turns out they are not so detail oriented and little lacking in the follow through.

I have spent the last two months hunting down the donkeys in the Wisconsin office of one of the only mortgage companies that is not in jeopardy of failure to ask where we are in our process. Phone calls can have gone unreturned, emails unanswered and when I actually got a donkey on the phone, she read notes to me off the computer screen by way of update. I have had to jump through hoops that I had already jumped through and supply paper route pay stubs  again and still no one can tell me when we are going to close.

Yesterday was the straw that almost made me break the donkey’s back. I phoned and was put on hold for my contact donkey. She picked up the phone and when I identified myself she said she was going to transfer me to a different donkey. I, in a naive and hopeful moment, thought I was being transfered to the head of the barn who would have all the answers for me. Instead this new donkey began to read more notes from a computer screen and I lost it. I didn’t yell or use obscenities, which was showing ENORMOUS restraint, but I made it clear that I was not satisfied with the customer service I was receiving. Moreover I found it rude and unprofessional that the first donkey transferred me without an explanation or introduction. He was patient and listened to me rant and asked a few questions (that I had answered at least twice now) and promised to look into my case and call me back.

If this whole process wasn’t such a time suck, I would be tempted to bail and start from scratch. Our interest rate is only locked in for another week, so they will have to make some progress soon or all this will be a moo point (you know, even the cows won’t care).