DIANA REPUBLIC

I don’t have much that isn’t nonsense to share, but who couldn’t use a little nonsense? 

Sunday in a most unusual method of seduction, Bob let me know that my high school boyfriend was on television. He  thought I might want to check him out (it’s a sports thing or Bob would have no idea who this guy is). It is strange enough to see current pictures of high school friends that I have fond memories of on Facebook. It is down right creepy to see my prom date on live TV. It made me wonder for the zillionth time why he was my boyfriend at all. He was cruel as it turned out, but odd at best when we were dating. I knew very little about his family except that he hated his sister and not in a sibling rivalry way (red flag?).  The only thing that we had in common was proximity, but it would never have occurred to me that I might go without a boyfriend in high school. I thought he was safe and not unattractive so I went for it. The fact that my approach to high school dating was not unlike that of a prison inmate’s method of choosing a companion is just a disturbing bonus revelation. As for Bob, he does very well when compared to the men of my past especially the high school variety, so while unusual his method was not unsuccessful.

In other news my chin appears to be pregnant. I am not sure how far along it is, but it is definitely showing. How do you decorate a nursery for a baby chin and more importantly WHY IS MY CHIN GROWING ANOTHER CHIN?

Lest my vanity get too far out of control, my New Year’s Intention to get in better shape has so far resulted in a five-pound weight gain. I would like to tell myself the fairy tale of “The Muscle who weighed more than The Fat”, but I think it may have more to do with the 26 large bags of peanut butter M & Ms that have found their way into my hands since the first of the year. Hey, maybe there is a relationship between the M & Ms and my pregnant chin.

Lastly ever since the economy began to suck the disposable out of my income I have been cutting back on the salon visits. I haven’t colored my hair in about two inches of gray. I have been debating whether or not going full on salt and pepper would make me look older than I am. I am almost convinced that the gray looks like highlights, that is if anyone intentionally highlighted their hair with gray.

So the hat trick that is my self esteem today: I am a chubby, graying babe with nice case of adult onset acne. The upside: I am pretty sure I could still get laid in high school or prison.