My heart is breaking today.
At 4:30 this afternoon I have an appointment to have my best friend put to sleep. Eleven years ago I met him at a shelter. He was the runt in a litter of eight puppies and the last un-adopted male. I picked him up to see what we thought of one another and he peed all over me. That was all it took and we became a family, Larry and I.
When I lost my mother, who coincidentally had been my best friend, I made some changes in my life. I bought a condo in a building that allowed dogs and moved. I left corporate America and got my real estate license. I set up my life so that I would have the flexibility to have dog. It may sound crazy to some, but I grew up around animals and knew that I wanted them in my life as soon as I could provide the right home.
I adopted Larry, a labrador-pointer mix the shelter said. He grew into the name and into a unique and special dog. He was a comfort to me as I grieved the loss of my mother. He grounded me and made my new house a home. We went to the dog park, the dog beach and had play dates with his actual brother, Archie, who we met through friends. He went to doggie day care when I worked too many hours or when he needed to burn off more energy than I had. He slept in my bed because I couldn’t bear to hear him whimper in his crate and because I wanted him close. His “flying nun” ears, melodic bark and affectionate nature made friends where ever we went.
As time went on Larry and I became part of a larger family. My husband, Bob, came with two golden retrievers, Lucas and Casey. It was not always easy but Larry adapted to being one of three, mostly because Lucas and Casey were very passive brothers. He stole toys and chased after the others like a freshman trying to run with the seniors.
Four years ago we bought a big yard for the boys with a little house we could all live in. We lost Casey first at thirteen. It was a sudden cancer that required a sudden surgery from which he wouldn’t recover. The addition of Mike, a yellow lab puppy, softened the blow some. Lucas developed neuropathy two years later and deteriorated until we had to make the most difficult decision a pet owner can make. He was also thirteen. While thirteen is a full life for dog, each loss hit us hard.
Last year when Larry was diagnosed with cancer, my knees buckled. He survived a surgery to remove his spleen and his tumor. He tolerated chemotherapy well, better than I would have expected. I knew his cancer was aggressive. I knew that we wouldn’t have him for a lot longer, but nothing prepares you. I was hopeful and in denial. Friday afternoon we were told that the cancer had spread to his liver and was more than likely heading to his lungs and brain next.
Losing any pet is painful, but Larry is special to me. He has been with me through thick and thin. He helped me judge dates and make friends. He was my confidant; listening patiently with tilted head. He has been an amazing frisbee dog and can chase a tennis ball for just about ever. He is as affectionate as any dog I have ever met: he thrives on being petted and he is a leaner, if you know the type. He has given me eleven years of unconditional love and friendship. I have been so blessed to have him in my life. My home and my heart will be emptier after today.
I love you Larry – we will all miss you. You are such a good boy.
10 responses so far ↓
1 Amy Landau // Mar 9, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I am so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself today.
2 Kendra Peterson // Mar 9, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Brad and I are so sorry to hear about Larry. xo
3 Nancy // Mar 10, 2009 at 5:30 am
Dogs are so important. Always trusting, ALWAYS happy to see you. And such pain when they leave. I’ll be thinking of you.
4 Katie // Mar 10, 2009 at 11:12 am
Diana, I just love reading your blog – you are such a wonderful and clever writer, and I really enjoy laughing along with your great wit and fun banter…
But today I am wiping away tears, and my heart hurts for you & Bob & Mike at the loss of your beloved Larry. I believe he crossed the Rainbow Bridge and is probably romping and playing with Lucas and Casey… but there is a very empty space in your lives now without your good boy.
May he live on in your hearts and your happy memories. XO
Katie Nagle
5 Lisette // Mar 10, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Clearly, the world has lost a consummate gentleman.
6 Midge // Mar 12, 2009 at 3:32 pm
My Dear Digger Jean….
You know I know. Just opening the page got me going good. I’m sitting at the dining room table with Zoey. She says he’s a little bit of nudge for right now, but she’ll be taking care of that. They’re going to be waiting for us by the Rainbow Bridge but she says we should take our time, they’re having fun there. I love you and am sorry your heart hurts. LOVE the tattoo.
7 Chicky Chicky Baby // Mar 13, 2009 at 5:17 pm
This broke my heart. He was a handsome boy.
Not many are so lucky to find that special four-legged someone who will sit with you when you grieve and dance with you when you celebrate. It’s obvious from what you wrote, Larry was one of those very special “forever dogs”.
My condolences on having lost your best friend.
(and btw, I really like the tattoo.)
8 Shannon // Mar 15, 2009 at 8:33 am
Di- You were such a great mom to Larry. He will always be your angel and you were both lucky to have found each other. I love the tatoo and I love you madly!!! oxo-Shannon
9 Jim Nyka // Mar 19, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Larry is now with all the other great dogs in God’s kingdom. We’ll all pray that he doesn’t misbehave too much while adjusting to his new — and pain-free — environment.
10 Rebekah // Feb 27, 2010 at 5:28 pm
This sounds like Phoebe and me. I’m sorry for your loss of your wonderful boy. These dogs crawl into our hearts and we are so much better for having them in our lives, but boy do they leave a hole when they are gone. They just don’t live long enough. I was almost 24 when I got Phoebe and was 37 when she died in the fall. I remember thinking, when she was young, that by the time she was an elderly dog I would be in my late 30′s and that was so. far. away. And then all of a sudden I’m in my late 30′s and she and I are both old gals.
(Oh Jesus, as I’m writing this one of those Sarah McLachlan, no it’s Natalie Merchant, humane society commercials is on TV. I CANNOT watch these without bursting into tears. What the frick is wrong with people to hurt animals?? Where is the remote!?)
I’m not a religious person and I don’t know what I believe about my own afterlife but I really do love the idea of the Rainbow Bridge, hokey as it may be, and the opportunity to be reunited with my amazing girl.
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