DIANA REPUBLIC

Bathing suit shopping is a cake walk, if you ask me, compared to bra shopping. That may be only because I apparently have a very unique pair of breasts. Of course they are, you say. Well they are, but only because they don’t make bras to fit them. I have been measured and fitted and all that jazz and still I wear the bras that I bought five years ago at Gap Body for about twenty bucks each. I would just buy more of these stupid bras, but they don’t make then anymore.

So when I got the Spanx catalog in the mail touting the Bra-llelujah, I thought this sounds like a bra I could get behind. I really like the Spanx girdle-things. They work well and are as comfortable as one can expect an undergarment of that nature to be. And anything called a Bra-llelujah should fit so well you hear harps and see angels. I had so much hope. I thought that this could finally be a bra shopping expedition that might not end in heartbreak. As usual, however, there no rejoicing even with the Bra-llelujah. It is a really comfortable bra in all six of the sizes I tried on. I even at one point tried to convince myself that the 34 D fit, but for $62.00 I probably shouldn’t have four boobs.  Oh and I am usually a C cup at best.

To look at me you wouldn’t know that I am a freak. But I am. The formed bras always give me muffin boob or have room for cigarettes and a remote in them. And I still feel like too much padding is false advertising, even though I haven’t used these babies for marketing purposes in quite some time. The soft bras, which I prefer, tend to have too much fabric and end up with awful puckers at the nipple.

Bob was with me for my sad little religious experience and supportively asked if I wanted to keep trying on bras, but my spirit was broken. I’ll just stick to my ratty old Gap bras for a while longer. Maybe when they come out with the Bra-Humbug things will go my way.