DIANA REPUBLIC

In an effort to keep my New Year’s Intention (or resolution if you must) I have been going to Pilates class again. I stopped going last April when the expressway between my house and the health club was under construction. The construction ended in September but apparently I had forgotten the way in the interim. I wasn’t able to make it back there until the waist band on my pants began to hurt. No matter that I have a library of Pilates DVDs and an elliptical trainer right here in my house, no expressway travel required. I succumbed to the forth deadly sin, sloth. But I am back now.

So, after class I was in the locker room when I overheard a conversation, one side of which went something like this:

“Hey Carla, how are you?  Have you been doing abs, ’cause your abs look great. Don’t you love the way it feels.  I mean, I don’t do it out of vanity.”

To which Carla and I both snorted with laughter and responded “Uh, I do”. (I know that no one was speaking to me. I’m kind of a Gladys Kravitz. Besides everyone knows there are no private conversations in the locker room. Its totally an unwritten rule.) Then I overheard “Jillian Michaels” say something about how that was the reason she was great at triathlons. Oh, I see where our differences lie. I am not even a mono-athlete. There is nothing about me that would make me great at triathlons and I only do ab work so I can look good in a bathing suit. She probably really enjoys running. I want to be healthy and fit, but if it weren’t for vanity I wouldn’t care what form it took.

Pilates is the first and only form of exercise that I can honestly say that I enjoy. It may be because so much of it is done lying down. Yoga is too, but for some reason it’s too slow. I hate to run, but with the appropriate play list (Beastie Boys and hip hop) I can make it through 30 minutes or so on the elliptical. I might be tempted to try spinning if the people in the class didn’t dress as if they were gearing up for the Tour de France.  I can’t even begin to contemplate aerobics or any other coordination-oriented-dance-like exercise. I have no coordination – it was removed at birth with the umbilical cord.

But the really terrifying class is the class that sometimes meets right before Pilates. I don’t know what its called but think worst gym class ever. I am sure its a great workout.  Everyone leaves really sweaty and looking spiritually broken. I actually feel a little nauseous when I have to wait and watch their wind sprints. I have flashbacks of training bras, polyester shorts and cold community showers and, and, and accck.  I need to go into Child’s Pose for a minute. There, much better.